For hire and hiring: CHRISTMAS UYAB

Oh diba, basic lang ang title? HAHA. But before I get misinterpreted, this ain’t serious, it’s JUST FOR FUN.  🙂

Remember that cute Nestea commercial which became a hit last year due to the acronym SMP the brand popularized? SMP or Samahan ng mga Malalamig ang Pasko. Sumikat yun kasi daming naka relate! HAHA For all its sake, I’ve been a member of the SMP since time immemorial, and I think it’s high time for me to exempt myself this year from this well-established group. LOL Walang plastikan, alam kong sawang-sawa na rin kayo maging single! 😛

Soooo.. I’m gonna make this year MORE exciting and MORE interesting and with a twist.. a little DIFFERENT.

This year, I am posting a job vacancy announcement for a Christmas “uyab”. Uyab is the Cebuano term for nobyo/nobya or partner.

I made this using Picnik.com, a free online photo editing service. Thanks to my friend Angela for sharing this site. 🙂

Lemme first define the phrase to make it clear:

Christmas uyab is someone who will serve as your boyfriend/girlfriend for the entire duration of the Christmas season and ends thereafter. (Patrik Laroya, 2011.) LOL. 🙂

It is an emotional and physical * I personally like the physical part, kiddin’! 😛 *contract whereby the uyab obligates himself/herself to deliver as a real-life partner to the other, who on his/her part, binds himself/herself to reciprocate and deliver as a real-life partner.

And since it’s for a limited time only, the job is contractual. After the Yuletide season, job contract expires, and so is the relationship. But if agreed upon by both parties, they may opt to continue what has been started.

FOR HIRE/ HIRING: “CHRISTMAS UYAB”

Job Description:

  The ‘uyab’ should be with the boss *that’s me*, literally and figuratively for most of the Christmas time. Uyab should treat the boss like how one treats a real-life partner. The “uyab” should text and call me all day, and should likewise respond to my texts and calls. He/she should be exclusive to the boss, and should not enter into other “Christmas uyab” contracts.

Qualifications:

Age: 21 to 25

GenderYou-know-what. I’m not straight! 🙂

Compensation: My love and affection. 😛

Willing to work 24/7. With experience PREFERRED, but NOT REQUIRED. Must be aggressive and results-oriented.

CHARACTERISTICS OF CHRISTMAS UYAB CONTRACT 🙂

Just like other contracts, the contract is:

  1. Consensual because it is perfected by the mere consent of both the would-be uyabs.
  2. Bilateral because both uyabs are bound to fulfill and reciprocate obligations towards each other,
  3. Gratuitous because no monetary compensation is expected. The catch though is something physical and emotional is expected. HAHA 😛

Are you ready to accept the challenge? Coz JANPATRIK.com is ready for you! HAHA.

Remember what I said, this is just for fun. As how Anne Curtis said it as Kara in her blockbuster film No Other Woman..

WE’RE JUST TWO CONSENTING ADULTS HAVING FUN.. THERE’S NO EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT. :p

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Jan - Patrik

Patrik is a 25 year old Certified Public Accountant working as an external auditor at a top audit firm in Makati, Philippines. He loves solo traveling, volleyball, Harry Potter and of course, blogging.

16 Comments

  1. apply si Rudolph, d’ red nosed reindeer! haha, dili xa straight deer, naay pagkakambing!. haha. jest!

  2. hahaha patrik natawa ako… XD salamat. i needed laughter. bilib ako sa iyong ‘contract’.. ipanotarize pat.. XD serious or not – hope that you’d be happy this pasko. 🙂

    – ogs

    • Hehe. Glad to know this made you smile. At least in my own little way, napatawa kita. hehe. Sure, ipapanotarize namin ang kontrata! HAHA! Thanks much, and advance Merry Christmas din kuya Ogs! 🙂

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